Olivia Gelhart
Some Saturday night on a Saturday – two Saturdays after Saturday, I went
to the baseball game to buy this big loaf of bread, man – and they said
they were out of bread – and man, I was so angry and I saw this gorgeous
puppy ugly puppy – it was gorgeous but it was so ugly it was gorgeous
and man it was gorgeous but it was ugly.
But man it had purple eyes and was all red, like, all weird. So weird.
And I went to the Chinese Restaurant, and said maybe they have a loaf of
bread but they didn’t. “Hey people do you have a loaf of bread?” and it
was like all Chinese crap. I was, like, “what is that?” and, like, all I
heard was dog ears! I said, “ what?”, and my dog screamed. It started
yelping, and then it sat down on the floor and just resisted to move.
Man, that dog is so ugly, and stupid, and pitiful.
So I took the dog home, and mom goes, like, “what is that?” I said,
“It’s a Chihuahua”. She goes, like, “that don’t look like no Chihuahua”.
“Mom, it’s a cat.” “No, that don’t look like no cat”. My mom goes “Well
where do you think that cat thing is going to sleep?” And I was thinking
of putting it in the attic; and, I don’t know, like, using it as a
pińata or something like that for a party.
She said “What do you think you’re going to do with that as a pińata?
You going to hit it?” Well, I don’t know; I thought some candy would
come out of it. “My mom said “You don’t think it ate that much candy, do
you?” well – I dunno
So then I took the dog to my friend’s house. My friend said “What’s
that?” I said “it’s a yellow crocodile.” “That don’t look like no yellow
crocodile, it’s purple” But my friend said, “That’s not purple, that’s
yellow.” What? I don’t know what color that is.
So then I said “Forget it!” I threw it in the dumpster and said “Bye”.
So I went to the next door neighbor’s house, and I said - They had a
surprise birthday party – it was awesome – so we went there, we ate cake
and ice cream, and I guess it was a surprise –
So I said, Sir, we didn’t really get a loaf of bread, but we got a whole
bunch of dog’s ears, and it was so cool and they don’t really taste
good; they taste kind of like like chicken. I mean, if I want chicken,
I’ll get chicken;
So I went back to the Chinese place to get some chicken. They said,
“sorry, we don’t got no chicken”. They said ( it sounded like they were
going to say “We like family” or something – I’m not family to them –
Gosh) No way! So I got really really bored; so, I went to the park cause
I thought they were going to do the baseball tryouts this year. But I
guess that was last year – hmmm
So, instead of that, it was softball, but it turned out to be dodge
ball; and, like, they kept hitting everybody and it was kinda mean.
And I hit somebody else – it was so cool! I went to the Chinese place,
and said, “do you have any food coloring?” Cause I wanted to dye my hair
with food coloring – it’d be so cool! Instead, they had these weird
contact lens things; but they weren’t contact lens things. They were
like salamander seeds – it was weird -yellow and purple and green and
ooooh I dunno
Then I kinda got bored again and got the dog out of the dumpster; but
the guy in the dumpster went and kinda died, and, cause I threw him down
the toilet.
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